It all depends on whether it's TIME for tea or not...

Ok so I don’t know everything.

I’m in Chicago, and I see this restaurant, one that I’ve passed by ONE MILLION times on the way to the Art Institute, and a little voice in my head whispers, “Russian tea room… Russian tea room… russiantearoom… RUSSIANTEAROOM!!!!! You've always wanted to go to the RUSSIAN TEA ROOM!!”

And I say, “huh. Let’s go to that Russian Tea Room restaurant."

And so we did.

It looked a little funny inside, but whatever, right? It’s the Russian Tea Room!!! So I check out the menu and wow, the food looks freaking amazing! It’s a vegetarian Russian bonanza!!! Vegetarian borscht (whoah!) and puff pockets stuffed with sweet and savory fillings and they even have a vegetarian tasting menu--sweet potato, people, this place is amazing! I’m having a ball. The waitress, who is undoubtedly Russian-born, even if she hasn't got an accent, I swear is practically doing a folk dance in the corner. This place is a little slice of Eastern European heaven!

We start with the classic Russian Tea (it's tea time after all), which is a Ceylon infused with black currants... Ok so I don't drink caffeine, and they don't tell me how strong this stuff is. I down several glasses (I mean they even have these cute little tea mugs and brown sugar cubes! This place is made for me!!) and I am flying. Crazy. Everything starts moving faster and therefore it's even awesomer and Russianer. Seriously.

First, the brown bread comes out. It is so brown—seriously, it’s fantastic. It’s heavy and nutty and browny and goodness. It's like straight out of the Russian countryside or something.

Then we order the asparagus vareniky, which are dough pockets stuffed with asparagus, feta, and red pepper, and are drizzled with a lemon basil sauce. Wow. You can never go wrong with an asparagus/feta combo, but when you add in some Russian, it's even more fantastik. Look at me with my spelling!

I think about calling myself Megolekavitch, just for fun.

Then we get the pumpkin piroshki, which are pastry puffs filled with pumpkin and cinnamon and onions. Holy pumpkin, this place rocks. We're in a Russian Oasis. I mean, the people that work there don't really look Russian... and the music is kind of, well, KHits 96, and it seems like all the customers are from small town Missouri wearing their pedal pushers and socks with sandals? I dunno. Whatever. Because the borscht came next.


Red beets, cabbage, tomatoes, onions, carrots, potatoes, and not even any chicken stock slipped in (I asked!)... it was life altering. I vowed to go to Russia, even though I figured I had just experienced it first hand, pretty much.

I mean, wow.

It shifted my world-view.

That is, until I'm recounting this tale to a friend, and friend kindly points out that the Russian Tea Room is in NEW YORK CITY.

Uh..... wha? huh? I mean, I was there! I ate borscht! Hot, Ukranian Borscht! At Russian Tea... Time! Oh shit! I was at the wrong place! I was tricked! Had! Tom Fooled!

Needless to say, when I came down of my Russian tea high--if it was even Russian--I was sorely disappointed.

But I got a little surprise when I was in New York recently!

Staying with best friend and she wakes me up early and says we have to get up and get on the train! There's a surprise!!! Woot!

She won't tell me what it is or give me hints, she only let's on that we can't wear jeans and we can't be late for a reservation...

So we walk and walk and train and train and walk and walk and and train and train and walk and turn a corner...

and you know what was there?! The Russian Tea Room! In all its authentic glory!!! We've got an 11am date for brunch!

So we go in and wow. What a difference. First, this place is gold. and clean. and is that a Russian accent I detect coming from the hostess? and those are what? authentic, original Marc Chagall oils on the wall?

Well, we set to work checking out the menu. The menu is golden embellished, people. I've never seen such a nice menu.

Well as it turns out, brunch in the authentic Russia is kind of more like brunch in the authentic US... but if there's one thing I know about Russians, they ain't foolin'. OK so eggs Florentine are a little closer to Italy than the Ukraine, but nevertheless, they were touched by the hand of goodness. And the brown bread was a whole grain bread! It was so delicious! I heart it, even with butter. And though I couldn't eat the borscht, because it was a beef borscht, friend quite enjoyed it. And what I got, apparently the hottest thing in today's Russia, is a pumpkin granola dish. Oh my. It was enough to make you exclaim in joy! It was cooked pumpkin and squash, smashed and very buttery, warmed up to the perfect temperature, then topped with piles of homemade oats and granola and raisins. and cinnamon It was to die for.


Somehow it was both sweet and buttery and savory and crunchy and creamy all at once. It was a little confusing to the palate, I have to admit; but the kind of confusion that is like falling in love. The floating and the falling and the explosions all at once.

And the tea, at the Russian Tea ROOM, was mind-blowing. Not in the overly-caffeined way, like the black currant freak out I had in Chicago, but kind of earthy and Russian countryside (but for real this time) and fruity. As mixins, you get not only sugar, but also sugary cherries to pop! Sweet Tea this stuff was good!

Finally, after finishing brunch, ticking "go to the Russian Tea ROOM" off my life's list of to-dos, the Russian manager took us on a tour of the 4-storey restaurant. The basement boasts a stunning Fabergé egg collection. The first floor, the restaurant part, is styled in a lovely red and golden decor. But then the top floors are what really get your attention. Yes the are beautifully gilded and mosaiced and decorated, but also there's this guy: a 15-foot tall glass bear filled with live goldfish. Wow. Nuts.


So in the end, what's the difference? Well for one, RTR is the real deal. I mean, this place is faaancy, and the food is amazing, and the people are so friendly you can't believe it. RTT, on the other hand, has more vegetarian options, but the patrons are tourists on their way to Michigan Ave. They, like me, probably think they're at the Russian Tea Room, but they are not, folks. And do you know why? Because that's in New York City.